Lately, I’ve been pretending. Pretending that I’m not worried. Pretending that I fully trust God. Pretending that I’m OK even though so many uncertainties linger in my life.
I didn’t know I was pretending. I thought I was trusting Him.
But then, I started to notice a few things — mainly that I wasn’t sleeping well. I noticed only because I was feeling tired and easily offended. I cried the other day because I was confronted by someone telling me it caused a problem when my kids put their snack wrappers in a trash can instead of carrying it with us when we left the building. (That in itself is a story for another day, but certainly not worthy of tears. I should have celebrated that my kids put their trash in the trash can!)
Nonetheless, the tears started. And once they started, I couldn’t hold them back. It was like trying to climb back up a waterslide after someone had already given me a push. And while the tears were more of a trickle than a gush, I couldn’t stop them. I tried everything to make them stop. To make matters worse, I had just entered a meeting with about 30 other women. And of course, the room was set up where many could see me. Fortunately, we start the meeting with a quiet, reflective time of mediation while worship music played followed by praise through prayer. Everyone’s eyes were closed.
The music calmed my emotions. And then the spontaneous prayers began:
“Your grace is sufficient.”
“Thank you that you invite us to cast our cares on You.”
“Your provisions always meet our needs.”
“Thank you that nothing is too hard for You.”
These were healing words spoken by others in the room. They spoke as if they knew what I needed to hear in that moment. They were reminders of God’s presence and calmed my soul. My tears weren’t really about the fact that someone complained about my kids’ trash. They were actually a culmination of my worry and uncertainty. They were a sign of my lack of trust in a faithful God.
And so today, with a thankful heart, I pray “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24)
What are you struggling to believe about God? Can we pray for each other?
Help my sweet friend in her unbelief. Fill her with your love and show her your faithfulness in each day. Strengthen her and encourage her, that she my come to know you in a deeper way.
In Jesus name I pray,